Who I Am

“I’m surprised to see you back,” he said. “I would have thought you’d be married with your first child by now.”

“Tom, it’s only been four months since I’ve seen you last!” I exclaimed. I was back substituting at a school I frequent for the first time this school year. He and I will often talk when I sub there and he was joking with me. It was funny, but it also further illuminated something that I’ve been feeling lately.

I, like many women my age, am stuck in between two ideals. On one hand, I am supposed to have a career and an education. I am expected and I desire to go far in both of these areas. At the same time, I am expected to get married and have a family, which is also something I desire. I am learning though, that focusing on accomplishing both things is impossible.

Mathematically you cannot give 100% of yourself to multiple different things.

Right now I am in the midst of my last semester of graduate school, which includes an internship and another class. And I’m a substitute teacher on the days I’m not at my internship. When I finally get a chance to relax after completing homework, working out, and prepping for my internship, I just want to put sweatpants on and crash either in bed or in front of the TV. I certainly don’t have the energy to get all dazzled up and ready to go out on a date or check eharmony, or whatever other method of husband hunting people have recently suggested.

I’ve always been a people pleaser. I think that in my decisions for my life I give some consideration to what others will think or say. But that quickly gets exhausting. I’m tired of it. I know what I want from my life and I know the One who is holding my future. And He’s the only one I should be worried about pleasing.

I am a graduate student. I am a substitute teacher who is not looking for a permanent teaching job. I am a sister, daughter, and friend. I am love by the God of the Universe. I am single. And I am okay with that.